Planet Earth (2007)
On my commute into work, I often walk down an alley used as an after-hours toilet by late-night revellers and the homeless. Two-thirds of the way down, the strong odour of urine and premium-strength lager gets replaced by an aroma of freshly-baked croissants pumped out of a bakery’s vent. It only lasts a few seconds before returning to the previous stench of urban squalor but this momentary olfactory oasis is my favourite smell in the world. What would barely register in its expected setting gets heightened by contrast. It reminds me of one of Prince’s best disco-funk tune sitting in the midst of one of his worst albums. That’s not completely fair to Planet Earth. Many of the songs aren’t bad, they just don’t trouble the business end of this list but if I were to ever compile Prince’s 500 worst songs, All the Midnights in the World and Resolution would be shoe-ins for a top 10 finish. In between these two troughs stands Chelsea Rodgers, a club banger which, in a juster world, would be the standard issue floor-filler for every High Street DJ. Its choppy bass licks are reminiscent of Daft Punk’s Around the World and probably a thousand disco songs before it – including CHIC, making some fans wonder if Chelsea is Niles Rodgers’ daughter. My favourite conspiracy theory is she’s the love child of Prince and Sheila E. The model purported to be her does resemble the two former lovers, and would be the right age. But if they wanted this kept under wraps it would be a pretty ballsy double-bluff to collaborate on and release a promotional single all about her, while parading her face to the world via its accompanying video. Donning a surname that’s a typo of Prince’s middle name would be one extra level of too-obvious-to-be-true subterfuge too. No, the evidence points to a reality far more boring. She’s a model and fashion designer called Chelsea Smith who faded into obscurity after this brief flare-up of fame. However, vocalist Shelby J, the real star of this song, rose in Prince’s orbit, appearing on his next three lps and now has a debut album under her belt. Go ahead now Shelby! Go ahead now!
Tag: Planet Earth
241: Somewhere Here on Earth
Planet Earth (2007)
The track 3 ballad spot on Prince’s 32nd album goes to Somewhere Here on Earth – a song that would receive much more gushing over if on almost any other lp of his. The year it was released, Joshua Bell, one of the world’s greatest violinists, performed for 45 minutes in a New York subway disguised as a busker. In this experiment, only 7 out of over 1000 passersby stopped to listen to the Grammy award-winning musician, who sells out theatres for $100 a seat. Setting certainly counts. Those who stop and give Somewhere Here on Earth the time of day will recognise it as a world-class slow jam. A maturer cut to discover and bask in when we’re ready. Live performances help with the setting (especially Montreux 2009 and the same year’s Jay Leno appearance) but I do miss that synthetic vinyl noise. It adds a nostalgic warmth. To anyone growing up in the CD or mp3 age the added pops and crackles may seem gimmicky, but to these vinyl-weened ears they’re a comfort blanket. A little analogue seasoning to bring out the embedded flavours.
247: Mr Goodnight
Planet Earth (2007)
Since Mr Happy Prince has rewritten his playboy playbook. No longer the bluntly unromantic “dinner at eight, then intercourse at my place” – now it’s all private jets and mouthfuls of chocolate-covered raisins. Is this a sign of maturity or is he making amends for calling his date a Future Baby Mama? Mr Goodnight is smooth with fourteen O’s and it’s the attention to detail that lifts the beat above your standard hip this-one’s-going-out-to-all-the laydees hop. The synth washes are like being bathed in milk, and the twinkling “3121” leitmotif is a purple-wrapped gift left for you to discover. Add in lyrics that make James Bond look gauche and you have the finest fan fiction Cyrano de Bergerac never wrote.
332: Future Baby Mama
Planet Earth (2007)
Sitting at the midpoint of one of his worst albums and saddled with an off-putting name, Future Baby Mama’s chances in life weren’t looking good. It’s crowded out of the spotlight by taller slow-jam poppies – the R&B playboy-masterclass Mr Goodnight and the sublime future-ballad Somewhere Here On Earth – and it’s easy to mistake for one of Planet Earth’s many low-key fillers. But once you get past the cringeworthy title and allow the Linn-drummed gorgeousness to hammer hosannas into your cynical heart, you surrender fully to the heady Moments In Love aromas. It even won a Grammy which proves Juliet right: that which we call Future Baby Mama by any other name would sound as sweet.
378: Guitar
Planet Earth (2007)
This catchy rock-pop song is one of two obvious singles on Planet Earth (the other being Chelsea Rodgers) and is certainly not afraid to wield a rock’n’roll trope about women, cars and, yes, his guitar. Great to sing along to but it came at a high cost of entry, requiring a purchase of The Mail on Sunday and with it a chunk of your soul. The album version (there’s also acoustic and alternate versions in circulation) is a collage of pre-loved parts: a U2 guitar riff, a Beatles Back in the USSR chorus and if Rolling Stone are to be believed, a Duran Duran bassline. Following hot on the heels of the album’s Barry Manilow-showcasing opener it becomes clear Prince isn’t afraid to reuse and recycle at this point. Maybe it’s all part of the Planet Earth eco theme. Or more likely a calculated marketing attempt to cast his net far and wide into the British mainstream’s psyche in order to fill his shows for the upcoming London 21 Nights gigs. And it worked. It’s still tamed down for polite company and I often wish this particular guitar would feature a dirty switch, like the one he turns on in Mad. But for Middle England it was a lit pinwheel thrown into their Hitachi CD trays.
489: Planet Earth
Planet Earth (2007)
Fragile piano steadily loses ground to terraqueous bass and eco-religious lyrics before the cherry-picker view pans out, revealing Barry Manilow’s Could It be Magic (or Take That depending on your vintage). Well that was unexpected – it’s like watching documentary footage of an arctic tundra and seeing Claire Rayner wander into shot. Meanwhile the view is still panning out (drone camera now) and the track culminates in the kind of stratospheric guitar drench-out that Slash hears in his head whilst miming on a mountaintop for a disinterested helicopter.